Fade in.
A coffee shop somewhere in eastern Scotland. Tagomi and Fredmadison are sitting at a rickety table discussing the next move in documenting their quest to conquer all 42 league football grounds in Scotland.
Tagomi: “I have to confess, i feel a little bit bad. I’ve had this brilliant post ready to go for about a month and i just haven’t ever bothered to actually put it up. What must our legions of devoted fans be thinking of us?”
Fredmadison: “‘Legions of fans’? What are you talking about? I’ve seen our blog stats. We don’t have any readers. Except for maybe your Mum. (hello mrs tagomi!).”
Tagomi: “No! What about our legions of devoted reader/followers? That pan-global collective of thinkers and artists who pour over our every word, desperate to glean more nuggets of truth and enlightenment from our pithy descriptions of toilet facilities at Scottish Football Grounds.”
Fredmadison: “Right. You mean your Mum and your Dad, then.”
Tagomi: “Exactly. Anyway, about this great post. It’s really fantastic. It combines a meta analysis of original primary research with innovative use of the latest GIS techniques to provide an insightful findings into our habits and preferences as regards ground location.”
Fredmadison: “You mean its a map that shows us all the places we’ve been to so far?”
Tagomi: “Exactly! Look! So cool! The green bits are grounds we’ve done, the red bits are grounds we’ve still to get to!”
Fredmadison: “Very interesting. I must say that is a very insightful piece of analysis you have done. I am very impressed. Truly you are the king of fancy chart things.”
Tagomi: “Thank you, Fred. I particularly like the way it highlights our East Coast bias. Look how we cling to the North Sea”
Fredmadison: “With good reason too. Bad things happen to people who venture west of Stirling. I ain’t never going to Airdrie, man. You can’t make me!”
Tagomi: “And I, my friend, have an irrational fear of Coatbridge. Nonetheless, these are barriers are ones we will have to face if our quest is ever to be completed.”
Fredmadison: “Maybe if i had a surgeon’s mask, it would be ok?”
Tagomi: “Whatever it takes, dude.”
Fredmadison: “Anyway. Isn’t this just a very, very longwinded way of alerting the world to the fact that we have a madcap plan to go to Dingwall on Saturday to see Ross County play Dunfermline?”
Tagomi: “Indeed it is. Very much looking forward to it I am too. It’ll be a good chance to catch up on Ross County after having seen them last season. And, if i’m not mistaken, this’ll be our first time seeing Dunfermline since that time when the Queen Mother died and we disgraced the nation by refusing to stand for the minute’s silence.”
Fredmadison: “I think you may be right. I’ll see you there, shall i?”
Tagomi: “Let’s hope so.”
Fade out.
